


How is she supposed to know when everything you feel is bottled up inside

by Rilaua



Category: Girl Meets World, rilaya - Fandom
Genre: F/F, LGBT, Rilaya, girl meets world - Freeform, gmw, hartthews, maya hart - Freeform, riley matthews - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 11:56:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7800961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rilaua/pseuds/Rilaua
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do you tell your best friend you love her.</p>
<p>You're in love with her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How is she supposed to know when everything you feel is bottled up inside

I love her.

I  _only_ love her, right?

No.

I can't keep lying to myself, telling myself that she's my sister when I don't feel like she is.

But how would I ever be able to tell her that I'm in love with her if I can't even get over the way she grabbed my face?

 

Her brown curls fill my life with the feeling of love everyday but I can never express it.

I want to but I can't.

I can't because I love her.

I can't because she doesn't love me the way I love her.

_I can't_

 

Maybe she doesn't like me back.

How can I tell my best friend I'm in love with her if there's a higher chance of her not feeling the same?

 

It's not easy.

It's not easy at all because once she gives you that look and you get lost in her eyes, you hear her talk about boys, more boys, Lucas Friar.

 

Oh man do I hate Lucas Friar.

 

It's a bad idea to tell your best friend that you're in love with them, right?

It's bad because what if they don't feel the same way?

What if you shift apart and never talk to them again?

 

Of course, these thoughts just make you think more.

 

I don't like to hope for things,

but I like to think.

 

Like, maybe she's dating Lucas to make me jealous?

 

Of course, I doubt this immediately.

Because she's straight.

And, I am too, right?

 

I look at girls and think they're pretty.

I stare at Riley's lips almost every day.

 

Fuck it, I'm not straight.

 

But Riley Matthews is.

 

Why would I be straight if I'm thinking about being in love with my best friend?

 

We're always gonna be best friends.

 

And  ** _only_** best friends.

 

Because, why would she like me back?

 

She's dating a boy.

 

And she shouldn't be dating him.

 

She shouldn't be dating him because every time she turns her back he's cheating on her with another girl,

or talking shit about her when she's on her period.

 

And I know that I wouldn't do that.

 

But maybe this is just a phase.

 

A four year phase.

 

But I know it isn't.

I know it isn't because if it was then I wouldn't be crying every night until 12 in the morning knowing she's with someone who hurts her so often.

I know it isn't because if it was I wouldn't be staring at her lips every single day noticing that they're the exact shade of the fruit she's called me her whole life.

 

But you know, sometimes I like to think she calls me that for a reason.

 

Her parents told me a poetry reading was read on their first date.

That poetry reading was about Peaches.

 

But, I convinced myself that she didn't know that.

She couldn't know that.

 

I like to feel her skin against mine, just to know she's there,

just to know she's by my side.

But she likes Lucas.

No matter how much of a jerk he is.

And no matter how much I want him to disappear it won't happen because I want it to happen.

But while I'm caught up in my anger I think of her smile and the way she talks.

I get lost in her warm eyes every day and feel like I'm drowning in a sea of melted chocolate.

 

And I love it.

 

But think, maybe we're friends.

Maybe we're supposed to stay that way.

Maybe I'm the one messing up the universe my falling for her.

 

But I know she would care.

 

If I ever come to school with puffy eyes she never asks what's wrong because she knows it would just hurt even more.

She comforts me and it feels like the world is at peace.

But it isn't because Lucas is still dating my bestfriend.

It isn't because she still takes the hurtful words that slip out of his mouth at times.

It isn't because she doesn't realize that  _ **she's my everything.**_

 

it's hard being in love with your best friend because they'll try and get it out of you.

But they don't know that's only making it worse because it feels like they're trying to rip out your heart because you want to tell them but you know it will only end terribly.

You know it will end terribly because they're probably straight and will never look at you the same ever again.

 

But it could also be a great idea.

 

Maybe she loves me back and even though she's in a straight relationship she could be bisexual or Pansexual or any other sexuality.

But maybe you should only be friends.

 

Maybe I'm better off talking to someone who's available.

Maybe I should talk to someone who would actually go on a date with my gay ass.

 

**Or maybe I'm just over-thinking.**

 

Maybe I should just tell her.

Maybe I'll realize I'm  _ **not**_ in love with her and say it was a joke.

Or maybe she'll love me back.

Doubt it.

 

_"Riles!"_

 

_"Yeah?"_

 

_"I'm in love with you"_

 

Her eyes widen.

 

Shit, she hates me.

 

She's gonna walk away.

 

Watch.

 

Wait, she's walking towards me.

 

She's grabbing my face.

 

_Our lips connected._

 

_She moved her lips on mine in the most soft, delicate way with such passion._

 

How was this happening.

 

This can't be right.

 

_I wrapped my arms around her waist, kissing back._

 

_She pulls away._

 

 

**_"I'm so sorry, Maya, I can't."_ **

 

**Of course.**

 

 

* * *

 

_Her hands were rubbing circles delicately on my back._

_She kissed me with relief as she cried about Lucas' actions towards her._

_She knew she couldn't break up with him._

_I shush her between neck kisses and soft rubs._

 

_We both know it's dangerous to do this behind that psychotic fucker's back,_

_**but this is true love.** _

 

 


End file.
